It doesn't fit.

In the end, it's the "what if"'s that hurt the most. Like, what if things had gone a little differently? Me? I don't believe in fate. I believe we have more control then we think and every action has a reaction.
-Scrubs.

I really love that quote... I really agree with it.
Today, I saw a car crash. Mom thinks it was weird because we just sat in the parking lot for a little bit, for no reason.. And for some reason, I never urged her to hurry like I normally would. If we would have left 3 seconds earlier, it could have been us.
The weird thing about the crash is that, it didn't like.. fit. It just didn't. It didn't seem like it was supposed to happen. The day was too pretty, then bam. Idk.. I guess, no day really seems right for a disaster. They never fit. Do they?
Someone once told me that "A girl with such a pretty face should never frown." To me.. That's just like, the disaster of a frown doesn't fit on my face. It doesn't belong. But, honestly, who has a face that looks good with a frown?

I've been really sad lately guys. Idk. I know it'll get better. I know I whine. But, I don't whine any other time.. I really don't. This is my outlet. I don't do it for attention. I don't do it for pity. Idk.. I kinda just feel like I'm admitting my weakness.
Today, a kid told me he was going to kill himself.. He had reasons why like, "Everyone seems to hate me. Girls wont have sex with me." And the whole time I was thinking "I have so many more reasons..." But, I stick it out. It's not that hard. I texted Greg (new friend down here, guitar guy) and he said he just wanted attention. And.. I kinda knew that. But, I didn't care. I still wanted to be there for the suicidekid. Because.. when I want to kill myself, I want so badly for people to care.. And they never do. Even if I never come out and say "I'm going to kill myself".. When I say I'm sad, no matter how strong I want to be, I really need help. But no one takes it seriously. Everyone thinks I just want pity.. Or that's what I think anyways. Idk... I guess I don't usually tell people I'm sad in the first place.

My uncle bill is in jail. Anyone who is reading this should know why. I just don't understand. I don't think he did it. And now he has 2.5 years at the least in jail. I love him so much. And my cousin Whitney, his daughter, said God was good for putting him in jail. I don't think God put him in jail.... I don't understand this world.
I asked Ryan why bad things happen like that and he said "When I think about true love, I believe true love lets people choose no matter what. God doesn't force us to love him. He lets us chose, But we don't always chose to love God and people. A lot of times we chose to destroy, sometimes not even knowing why. We have made the mistakes which affect the world. God lets us chose because he loves us that much. He loves us so much that he doesn't care if we fuck it up. He just created us to let us experience his love."


I really love Ryan.