I'm sad.
I'm trying to be strong.
Maybe I'll snap back.
But I feel defeat..
I feel homesick.
I feel alone.


Its only been 3 days.

Left Rachel.
Left Rachel is excited to be in Virgina.
Left Rachel cannot wait to start school.
Left Rachel wants to make new friends.
Left Rachel knows life will be okay.
Left Rachel thinks this is an ADVENTURE.
Left Rachel thinks this will set the stage for more adventures.

Right Rachel.
Right Rachel is trapped in Virginia.
Right Rachel knows she will fail in the new school.
Right Rachel misses her old friends.
Right Rachel knows life will suck until she goes back to PA.
Right Rachel wants to stay in her new room.
Right Rachel knows this will never be home.

Rachel cannot decide how she feels.


I feel like I miss home.
And if home is where the heart is; I'm living 387 miles away from home.

I'm gone.

In like 8 hours.




Sleeping on the floor tonight.
Leaving early.



Hoopblha.

Don't.


You.



Dare.



Touch.



Me.







Who do you even think you are?




Who am I? Do I have any back bone at all?




You have no respect for me.



Do I have any respect for myself?

About 3 days.



Idk.


I think I'm doing ok.
I'm just afraid I'll snap when we leave.

So, I felt unappreciated, but Emily threw me a surprise going away party.. With all the people I love the most. It was amazing.
I fully beat up a boy because he slapped me across the face. He didn't come to school today : ), he was in pain. Maybe he learned a lesson.
Maybe now everyone knows I can take care of myself.
All and all, it was probably the best night of my life.

Mom's gettin me voice lessens for Christmas. I hope I can actually get good. I'll go to juliard and start a band! Hhahahahah.



Good day, I made two of my entire classes laugh, single handedly.
I semi played spies, Em and I are playing at her house on.. someday.
The history teachers want my bod. : D
HAHAHAH.

I can't be good enough for you people.
I've honestly stopped trying.
But, it still hurts.

My mother believes I am a horrible person.
My Sam, is using me?!
My Emily has Taylor again. Doesn't need me.


I had a bad day.
I feel like I'm having a bad life.

I suck at volleyball. I let my team down.. It made me feel bad.

Mom and I got in a fight.
I was trying to be nice.
.. I told Sam about it.
And he said "Mhm."

I don't know if I just ask too much of people, But I need them so badly. I hate to admit it. I'd love it if I could just deal with everythign with out them. But I'm sad. I'm so sad. And I still help them WHENEVER they neeed. They call me at one in the morning while I'm sick to hell and I listen to them cry. And help them. I want someone to care about me like I care about all them. I want someone who I can rely on.
I need help.


I'm so sick of being alone.
I just want someone.
I don't have anyone.

My cat even hates me.

Millions of miles away I'll be
I know you'll still be with me
Cause I am your R.
And you are my E.
Look into the past
All the moments that have passed.
The frowns never stay down,
Our smiles are always around.
In the days we have to face,
I'm not gone without a trace.
I always be here for you,
I know you're here for me, too.


Yuck. That sucks.
I'm trying to write a good poem for emily cause I'm making her this huge thing.

"Homesickness is just a state of mind for me. I'm always missing someone or someplace or something, I'm always trying to get back to some imaginary somewhere. My life has been one long longing"

I wish I wrote that.

I don't care if the world is burning down.
I try not to think what I think is true.
Your voice wrecked how I heard sound.
Every sound, it sings like you.
I want to catch you with every word I say.
When you talk, it's never gonna fall.
I want to take all your sad songs away.
Because when you're sad it's all gone away.
You never sing loud enough.
I'm dying to hear the words you say.
With all your words I've been though..
Just let me know, how's it gonna stay?

I've forgotten what I was forgetting.
All my burdens I carried through,
Have been my blessings from the beginning.

When you left, you took my air.
You slashed my lungs and left me there.
I never could walk on water..
Still, I tried to go farther.
My voice was drowned.
And I'm still treading your's.
Don't come back..
But bring your cures.

.. : (

He told me listen to this.

If its the beaches by the Avett brothers.
I don't know what he wants from me.



Don't say it's over
Cause that's the worst news I could hear I swear that I will
Do my best to be here just the way you like it
Even though its hard to hide
Push my feelings all aside
I will rearrange my plans and change for you

If I could go back
That's the first thing I would do I swear that I would
Do my best to follow through
Come up with a master plan
A homerun hit, a winning stand
A guarantee and not a promise
That I'll never let your love slip from my hands

If it's the beaches
If it's the beaches' sands you want
Then you will have them
If it's the mountains' bending rivers
Then you will have them
If it's the wish to run away
Then I will grant it
Take whatever what you think of
While I go gas up the truck
Pack the old love letters up
We will read them when we forget why we left here

Not very poetic.

Would you rather me drop the bomb or stay under cover?
I've never felt so alone.
I want you to pay your attention to me.
I never would have walk out.
You pushed me around, I fell down.
I fell out the door.
When you had your foot in the way.
I'm gone, did you lose me?
I'm leading myself back.
But, its dark and my eyesight has gone bad.
I'm lost, I'm giving up.
No no, pretending to give up.
Maybe, that'll get you.
But, never, it never will.
I'll never get you..

Today, I decided I was gonna be happy for atleast 16 days.
Well, I'm not happy.


KIJSDKLGJKLADJGLKADJGKLJ.


Nothing even happened.

I agree.
Love you guys..
Uhg.


Ps-

Wow. I have an option. A big one...