Dear life;

I don't know about you. Not right now.
Sincerely,
Rachel.

Post Script

Its just a shirt,
GROW UP.
I already feel like shit.

This room-

Its cold.
Its dark.
Its damp.
And I'm so lost.
I've built my own flashlight and I'm still trying to find my own way.
While I try to push my loved ones my own way.
This makes me lose my trail.
This puts them on a trail they don't belong on.
I wish I could just flip the switch.
I would find my way through this room in my life,
And so would everyone I love.
But, I know He's not ready.
He knows how everything will be.
I trust Him to guide me.
I just wish I could know where He is taking me..

Two way mirror?

Round 3. Million..

Mom said I could move out, I think.
She just said she doesn't think I could make it.
It almost makes me want to do it.
But, I don't think I could ever hurt her that much.
Even if she hurts me almost eveyday. Even if she thinks less of me than anyone in the world.
Even if she can't see passed who I used to be.
Even though I try so hard to make her proud, and it never gets through to her.
I'm still a kid.
I'm still the girl I was 8 years ago.


I'm ready to grow up.
Ready for her to grow up.

All around.

Am I just another song in your book?
Or proof those second chances were never meant to be took?
I trusted once, I trusted twice.
Some where in the middle I lost some life.
When I'm feeling low, I'm feeling down.
And I continue to kick myself around,

... And around.

I'm sinking... Again.

The further I fall.

The higher I fly.
I swear I'm bipolar. I swear.

I'm used to beng so strong. I've never felt so out of control.
I'm falling apart at the seams.

"If I knew I had the tears, I'd cry for seven years." -Sam.
Ironic, because, the drive to here is 7 hours.

But, I'm gonna be home tomorrow.
Soooo, yay!!! :D

Shutting down.

Giving up.
I don't have the strength.
I'm shutting down.
Shutting off.
Giving up.
Why is it so hard to ask Him for the strength?
I'm down.
I'm so out of it.
I'm so done
So ready to be done.

I'm

So young, so old.
With each day I hold
A new spot in this book.
With each day,
A new page.
A clean slate.
Will my words pollute the blankness?
Will they dance across the sheet?
How will I wake up in these sheets?
How will I wake today?
Or tomorrow?
Will I wake completely different?
Exactly the same?
Progress?
Will regression show?
I fall across this life like snow.
With no grace to show..
I wonder, how old?
How young am I?
And how right?
How wrong am I?
Maybe tomorrow, I'll know.
Maybe I'll find myself next fall.

I could wish for it all..
I just wish, I don't need anything at all.

I hate here.

Hate it.
I can't believe I'm here until sunday.
Friday if I'm extremely lucky.
I can't believe I have to move here.
But, I guess I'm just gonna have to try to make the best of a crappy situation.
I know I can.
Its just hard.
So hard.
I'm in love with all my friends.
And I have to say goodbye.

Going down.

I haven’t left.

But, my face can’t hold its place in your mind.

Each step I take,

Every proof of my path,

Is being erased before I can look back.

.................................................................................

I’ll keep going with one foot in front of the other

And I never said I wouldn’t leave without a fight.

I’m leaving with this muted scream

I see life moving away from the light

And a lot of things seem a lot colder.

It’s been a long day and it could never be long enough

I’m so silently shaken.

And I can’t stand to lose this touch.

With each minute we take another mile

And with each mile I wait a little while

The more I’m waiting the more I’m losing

And I know I’ve got so much to lose.

My thoughts building up in my head

They erupt in my eyes and spill down my cheeks

Everyday it’s more, the days turn to weeks.

I’ve got more than I would have ever taken.

All these words lie in a pile, forsaken.

............................................................................
What a way to start out. What a way to begin.
I'm scared. One bad day after another.
I'm depressed.
And I've seen sinking ships go down with more grace than me.
Bah.