"Brackett, WI" -Bon Iver

An easy swing had it's time shouldered
Slow bending axe.
Now it's a photo framed.
The swing hasn't had it.

And here we are rebuilding roads
Right by roosting towns.
It's just like the love
The one that's never been enough.

So I'm counting on your fingers
Cause you've reattached the twitch
And if you want opinion,
I will die along the ditches.

And every summer is a hot token
To the cold, cold take of lust.
And every autumn singes
With the business of sadness.

Our friend had it wrong.
We sing "honey heaven burns".
Another curve in the counting:
His head is earning more.

So I'm counting on your fingers
Cause you've reattached the twitch
And if you want opinion,
I will die along the ditches.

I love having brothers, because they give me the most glimpses of belonging.
I always knew I related to people so easily, I always have so many things in common and now I'm starting to wonder if I push for that subconsciously to feel less like I don't belong?

After you learn how to swim, sinking is too hard.

It's easy to run when you're running from something.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqQTODR3kR8

I just feel like I don't exist. I am fucking nothing.

I remember being a kid and thinking everything would be better when I was 18. I could move out, and not feel the weight of this. I was more than right. Running away works. I've never considered myself a happy person, but when I was away I did. I didn't know what was up... because I came home and I wasn't anymore. I'm never coming back again.

3:54 AM.
I slept from about 8 until 10.
I can't sleep, but I'm still a dreamer.

I feel something is seriously wrong with me. I feel like everyone is being so mean to me... I'm just really starting to think it's in my head. And I don't know what to do. It hurt my feelings so bad, and I feel like everyone I cry to is getting so annoyed with me.

I have never felt like I meant less to my family.
Wisdom teeth out tomorrow.

I think the reason I love the ocean so much is because next to it all of my problems are so so so small.

Today, tonight.
I am so happy I could rant to you about anything and how happy it makes me. This feeling is so delightful. I wish I could always feel like this and I wonder does anyone? I highly doubt it. It's like I'm full of helium and at any moment I could float away.
I'm happy to have a best friend that makes me feel like I finally found my place in at least one persons life. Someone who finds all the good in me when it feels like everyone else wants to see all the bad. Having something like this, is something I wish for everyone in the entire world.
I love you.

I love blogging. I need to do it more. More more more. It just makes me feel so lame. What is my need to express myself so so so much? I honestly don't need anyone to be listening. Maybe I should switch to a private diary, but something about it being public makes it easier to say what I really mean. Because there is a reason, I guess? I will never understand.
I will never understand.
I will never understand.
I will never understand so many things. Everything? Gosh.
I have so much practice is expressing myself, BECAUSE I DO IT ALL THE TIME. DO YOU KNOW THAT? Sometimes I'm so fucking selfish. I don't know why. Maybe I think I owe it to myself? Maybe I think the world owes it to me?
I will never understand.
I guess something is going on inside me, that I will understand later. You know how middle school science teachers described gas molecules? Frantic. They go everywhere anywhere no where... and there is something inside me doing just that. Bouncing off all my walls and I can't contain it, so I can't get it out of me.
I'm all about being myself. Right now, I think I might just be using that as an excuse to be annoying. I feel like I bug everyone. And I'm not cool. I care so much about everything and that is NOT cool, let me tell you. I'm glad I am myself, but I don't really like myself. I wish I was happier, I wish I didn't over think, I wish I didn't make dumb jokes, I wish I wasn't an easy target, I wish it didn't make me cry when people made fun of me, I .. don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like I want to be an indie film and I'm stuck at disney channel. That. is. The. Best. way. I. Can. Describe. It.
I envy those girls, the ones that are so fucking beautiful it hurts. Literally, makes me have to poop because I get so anxious wishing that when I was being myself, it was more like them. The girls with blue eyes, who are good dancers or singers, and everything is just beautiful about them all the time and usually they know it. I want to be that.
I can't be that though.
I can only be me.
I wish I could change who I was, but I know I can't change it that much without being a complete phoney. And I guess in the end, I'd rather be real than a wanna be.
I just hate that I talk so much, I need to listen more, I hate that I talk so fast and don't catch stupid things before I say them, I hate that I like chick flicks and chick books, and that I can't sing or do anything musical... I hate that I get annoyed with people and act like such a jerk, I hate that I cry over stupid things, I hate that I get depressed still.
I hate that I don't understand.